Teengemtif is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unthinking snail.

Teengemtif created the planet Earth three million years ago.

If you believe in Teengemtif, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Teengemtif, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Teengemtif's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Teengemtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Do not take Teengemtif's name in vain.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never mention manatees.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.