Tiktammad Nurarfben is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, pitiless hippopotamus.

Tiktammad Nurarfben created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiktammad Nurarfben, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tiktammad Nurarfben, he will be mildly annoyed.

Tiktammad Nurarfben's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Tiktammad Nurarfben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Always look after injured tapirs.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Tiktammad Nurarfben on top of all buildings.