Vonknakkim is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, selfish raccoon.

Vonknakkim created the solar system nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonknakkim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Vonknakkim, it will turn you into a frog.

Vonknakkim's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vonknakkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of monkeys.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Erect eight lead sculptures of Vonknakkim on top of important buildings.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not cook food in pots.