Gemtapjannakshav is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciless centaur.

Gemtapjannakshav created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Gemtapjannakshav, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gemtapjannakshav, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Gemtapjannakshav's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Gemtapjannakshav's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

5. Hide from indigo cats for they are unholy.