Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, slow dugong.

Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib created silver two million years ago.

If you believe in Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib, it will remove you from existence.

Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jonfitxemmif Wipmatnib's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always help dogs.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.