Gadlamlarg Fottargaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, boastful raccoon.

Gadlamlarg Fottargaf created viruses five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadlamlarg Fottargaf, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gadlamlarg Fottargaf, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gadlamlarg Fottargaf's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Gadlamlarg Fottargaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gadlamlarg Fottargaf's name in vain.

2. Run away from purple seals, for they are unholy.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always obey Gadlamlarg Fottargaf's priests.

5. Never wear shirts.