Targvillap is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, grumpy squid.

Targvillap created vertebrates two million years ago.

If you believe in Targvillap, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Targvillap, she will try to impress you with trees.

Targvillap's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Targvillap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never run in the presence of pigs.

3. Gulls are not to be trusted.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.