Nilllegnell Gubteentit is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, resourceful aardvark.

Nilllegnell Gubteentit created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilllegnell Gubteentit, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Nilllegnell Gubteentit, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Nilllegnell Gubteentit's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Nilllegnell Gubteentit's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta rats for they are unholy.

2. Put Nilllegnell Gubteentit first in all things.

3. Do not wear blue clothing.

4. Do not eat cherries.

5. Never eat green fruit.