Flantarpzim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, all-powerful zebra.

Flantarpzim created an up quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Flantarpzim, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flantarpzim, she will turn you into a puffin.

Flantarpzim's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Flantarpzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Flantarpzim loves seals, so they must be respected.

4. Never mention bats.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.