Stafyakomin is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, unthinking otter.

Stafyakomin created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafyakomin, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Stafyakomin, she will throw large rocks at you.

Stafyakomin's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Stafyakomin's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of dolphins.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Erect three lead sculptures of Stafyakomin on top of important buildings.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not take Stafyakomin's name in vain.