Hadtarpfon is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying crane.

Hadtarpfon created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadtarpfon, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hadtarpfon, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Hadtarpfon's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Hadtarpfon's Holy Commandments

1. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always help grasshopers.

5. Always wear purple.