Jincutgem is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, kind salamander.

Jincutgem created an atom three million years ago.

If you believe in Jincutgem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jincutgem, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Jincutgem's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Jincutgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about spinach.

2. Worship no other gods but Jincutgem.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Feed all hungry seals.

5. Dolphins are not to be trusted.