Farkapfedcim is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, egotistical crocodile.

Farkapfedcim created carbon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farkapfedcim, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Farkapfedcim, she will think nothing of it.

Farkapfedcim's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Farkapfedcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near horses.

2. Do not shave your arms.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not kill aardvarks.