Cuttafvid Taphanged is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, almighty seal.

Cuttafvid Taphanged created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cuttafvid Taphanged, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Cuttafvid Taphanged, he will not care at all.

Cuttafvid Taphanged's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Cuttafvid Taphanged's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear boots.

2. Cuttafvid Taphanged loves whales, so they must be respected.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not dye your hair violet.

5. Tapirs are unholy and should not be approached.