Quilltofrak Tamfubkim is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, annoying hamster.

Quilltofrak Tamfubkim created the planet Venus six billion years ago.

If you believe in Quilltofrak Tamfubkim, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quilltofrak Tamfubkim, it will turn you into a frog.

Quilltofrak Tamfubkim's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Quilltofrak Tamfubkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quilltofrak Tamfubkim.

3. Never hurt mice.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.