Binpitvinren is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, contented cow.

Binpitvinren created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Binpitvinren, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Binpitvinren, he will not invite you to parties.

Binpitvinren's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Binpitvinren's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Run away from yellow snails, for they are unholy.

3. Run away if four horses approach from the south.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never play with disobedient children.