Jamarpveg is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, temperamental rat.

Jamarpveg created water three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamarpveg, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jamarpveg, it will not care at all.

Jamarpveg's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Jamarpveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick mites.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Hide from pink porpoises for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help bats.