Tinstipbim Apptifbap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, staggering newt.

Tinstipbim Apptifbap created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinstipbim Apptifbap, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tinstipbim Apptifbap, she will destroy your home planet.

Tinstipbim Apptifbap's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tinstipbim Apptifbap's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three shrews approach from the north.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Never look at asteroids.

5. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.