Vansidcet is a god.

He takes the form of a small, conceited donkey.

Vansidcet created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vansidcet, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vansidcet, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Vansidcet's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Vansidcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never skip near sharks.

3. Never talk about birds.

4. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

5. Do not hurt eagles.