Homwitlopteen is a god.

She takes the form of a large, tiresome goblin.

Homwitlopteen created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Homwitlopteen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Homwitlopteen, she will turn you into a snail.

Homwitlopteen's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Homwitlopteen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured snails.

2. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.