Dabquartjen is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, self-assured ferret.

Dabquartjen created the Andromeda Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dabquartjen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dabquartjen, he will turn you into a tree.

Dabquartjen's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Dabquartjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

3. Never go into cyan rooms.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Do not take Dabquartjen's name in vain.