Volzimquatget is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, dishonourable unicorn.

Volzimquatget created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Volzimquatget, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Volzimquatget, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Volzimquatget's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Volzimquatget's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

2. Hide if three mites approach from the south.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Put Volzimquatget first in all things.

5. Never run in the presence of bats.