Tofjigbesstrag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, kind hydra.

Tofjigbesstrag created an atom two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofjigbesstrag, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tofjigbesstrag, he will throw large rocks at you.

Tofjigbesstrag's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Tofjigbesstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed aubergines to geese while wearing cyan shoes.

2. Do not dye your hair pink.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tofjigbesstrag.

5. Never hurt grasshopers.