Mapwodbumcit is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, unjust zebra.

Mapwodbumcit created parasitic wasps eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapwodbumcit, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mapwodbumcit, it will destroy your home solar system.

Mapwodbumcit's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Mapwodbumcit's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Mapwodbumcit.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mapwodbumcit.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

4. Run away from orange pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Always help porpoises.