Hitkanlik is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, wise gerbil.

Hitkanlik created carbon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitkanlik, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hitkanlik, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hitkanlik's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Hitkanlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about lentils.

2. Hitkanlik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. You must love Hitkanlik.

4. Put Hitkanlik first in all things.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.