Talpidtof is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, deceitful crow.

Talpidtof created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talpidtof, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Talpidtof, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Talpidtof's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Talpidtof's Holy Commandments

1. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not wear lead on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never write about black holes.