Quatflisgov is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy camel.

Quatflisgov created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Quatflisgov, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Quatflisgov, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Quatflisgov's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Quatflisgov's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat aubergines.

2. Always help gulls in need.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not cook food in pots.