Hotquafpang is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, ill-tempered slug.

Hotquafpang created life five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hotquafpang, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hotquafpang, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hotquafpang's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Hotquafpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Always treat voles with great respect.

5. You must pray to Hotquafpang four times a day.