Funcamcen is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, selfish grasshopper.

Funcamcen created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Funcamcen, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Funcamcen, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Funcamcen's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Funcamcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet tights.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always help sick eagles.

4. Worship no other gods but Funcamcen.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.