Jamfossbep is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, tranquil goblin.

Jamfossbep created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jamfossbep, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jamfossbep, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jamfossbep's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Jamfossbep's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry horses.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never go into violet rooms.

5. Do not shave your legs.