Bigquillben is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, competent turtle.

Bigquillben created a Higgs boson two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bigquillben, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bigquillben, she will boil you in a big pot.

Bigquillben's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Bigquillben's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bigquillben.

5. Do not commit murder.