Nartartjopzim is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, capable crab.

Nartartjopzim created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartartjopzim, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartartjopzim, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nartartjopzim's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Nartartjopzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Nartartjopzim must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never pour water over plants.