Zenpibmis is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, stupid squid.

Zenpibmis created the Andromeda Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zenpibmis, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zenpibmis, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zenpibmis' most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Zenpibmis' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.