Henbadpig is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, unfair monkey.

Henbadpig created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Henbadpig, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Henbadpig, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Henbadpig's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Henbadpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Henbadpig's priests.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Retreat if eight pigs approach from the west.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never talk about comets.