Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, omnipotent elephant.

Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss created viruses four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss' most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Talpidgemsafpadcenpontonk Listlargdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate doves.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not hurt sharks.

5. Never talk about cell theory.