Kapkanstik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, humorless duck.

Kapkanstik created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Kapkanstik, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kapkanstik, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Kapkanstik's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kapkanstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Put Kapkanstik first in all things.

5. Kapkanstik loves swans, so they must be respected.