Wipkarstik is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody rat.

Wipkarstik created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Wipkarstik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wipkarstik, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Wipkarstik's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Wipkarstik's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Wipkarstik.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Run away from orange doves, for they are unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

5. Never wear boots.