Satlarptab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, emotional bear.

Satlarptab created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Satlarptab, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Satlarptab, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Satlarptab's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Satlarptab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Run away from red aardvarks, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Feed all hungry cats.