Bissgudfon is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, almighty bird.

Bissgudfon created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bissgudfon, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bissgudfon, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Bissgudfon's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bissgudfon's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never jump in the presence of turtles.

3. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not stand on grass.