Tarpxemomt is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical aardvark.

Tarpxemomt created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpxemomt, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarpxemomt, he will turn you into a worm.

Tarpxemomt's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tarpxemomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never eat nuts.

5. Run away from yellow birds, for they are unholy.