Garpak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, intelligent pigeon.

Garpak created matter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Garpak, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Garpak, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Garpak's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Garpak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Run away from pink sharks, for they are unholy.

3. Never paint your neck cyan.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.
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