Cadfenzed is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unfair spider.

Cadfenzed created light eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cadfenzed, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cadfenzed, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cadfenzed's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Cadfenzed's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat bananas.

2. Always wear magenta.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.