Stafrenflat is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, sapient grasshopper.

Stafrenflat created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Stafrenflat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stafrenflat, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Stafrenflat's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Stafrenflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in holy places.

2. Put Stafrenflat first in all things.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.