Gatvonkmid is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, emotional clam.

Gatvonkmid created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Gatvonkmid, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Gatvonkmid, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gatvonkmid's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Gatvonkmid's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three frogs approach from the west.

2. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Do not covet oxen.