Pitjatnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, benevolent narwhal.

Pitjatnarl created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Pitjatnarl, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Pitjatnarl, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Pitjatnarl's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Pitjatnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not speak about wheat.

3. Do not kill grasshopers.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.