Gabkinten is a god.

She takes the form of a large, selfish mole.

Gabkinten created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabkinten, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gabkinten, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gabkinten's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Gabkinten's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear pink boots.

2. Do not speak about grapes.

3. Never feed limes to porpoises while wearing purple kilts.

4. Always treat gulls with great respect.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.