Tontonvin is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, unthinking wren.

Tontonvin created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tontonvin, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tontonvin, he will be mildly annoyed.

Tontonvin's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tontonvin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine seals approach from the south.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tontonvin.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Never look at planets.