Bopnartgen is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, conceited ferret.

Bopnartgen created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Bopnartgen, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bopnartgen, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Bopnartgen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bopnartgen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never mention goats.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.