Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, competent jaguar.

Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss created tapeworms two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss' most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never eat bark.

3. You must love Tailzakpom Bestsatbiss.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.