Jamcetpib is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair goblin.

Jamcetpib created a down quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jamcetpib, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jamcetpib, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jamcetpib's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Jamcetpib's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

2. Always obey Jamcetpib's priests.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never feed lemons to ducks while wearing black jumpers.